hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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