Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize