using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize