Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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