The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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