i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
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