yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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