..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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