i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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