Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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