I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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