Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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