Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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