I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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