When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sext me about skeletons
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize