I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I only lived at night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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