He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize