Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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