Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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