so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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