the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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