Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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