Fuck appropriateness.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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