I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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