He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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