I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dear god my vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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