We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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