I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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