i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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