I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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