I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize