I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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