We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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