Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize