Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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