end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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