found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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