I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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