The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize