we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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