I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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