Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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