Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize