I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize