i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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