K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize