he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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