I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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