You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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