I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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